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Brian Hamilton on Bad Movies: An Easter Bunny Puppy

4/15/2014

1 Comment

 
Picture
David DeCoteau is back. That’s right, folks, the man, the myth, the legend; David DeCoteau took another break from making gay soft core porn to make another children’s film. If you thought A Talking Cat!?! wasn’t enough of a shitty animal-centric movie for you, then you’re in for a treat. An Easter Bunny Puppy is just as poorly made and ridiculous, but with a lot more failed slapstick comedy. It follows Russ, the puppy in question, as he tries to… Do something? I don't know. The plot is largely nonexistent until the last third, when it quickly spirals out of control. Rest assured that even with a nonsensical plot, there is more than enough reused footage, failed gags, and soap-opera caliber acting to keep you entertained.
The best part of the movie is when Russ the puppy opens the movie with a monologue. I’m so tempted to just type it verbatim here, but I’m laughing too hard to get a single line down without several typos, so I’ll just give you the gist. “Hey, boys and girls! Have you ever heard of the story of the Easter Bunny Puppy? Well, it’s not very well known, so let me tell you about it.” Unlike A Talking Cat!?! where an acting legend recorded his voice over on his iPhone in a public restroom, the voice over for the leading animal named Russ is recorded by a little kid with no vocal talent whatsoever. He sounds like he’s reading half the words in the script for the first time, sounding out words as he goes and stumbling through the horribly written script. There’s no way he’s older than nine or ten years old. 

But when it cuts to the dog itself, his lips aren’t moving like they do in A Talking Cat!?! (that punctuation is still painful to type). Thank God Russ explains why his lips aren’t moving by stating, “It’s simple! You’re hearing my thoughts because for the next 90 minutes, you all possess the power of telepathy. And that only applies to you guys, not the humans you’re about to meet. Got it?” Yes, Russ. We get it. We get that your director is a lazy ass who’d rather explain away his budget limitations with a stupid line than work around it like a normal, motivated director would. I’m so sorry you had to deal with DeCoteau on this film. Maybe you can start a support group with the talking cat.

In fact, the film shares a lot with A Talking Cat!?!. More than you’d expect. One of the lead actresses is in both movies, which is understandable. Maybe DeCoteau saw a few Wes Anderson movies and thought that if he reused an actress people will regard him as a director worthy of a cannon or mythology. But then it uses the same goddamn theme music. That’s right, the stupid theme for A Talking Cat Exclamation Point Question Mark Exclamation Point makes several appearances in An Easter Bunny Puppy, and I guarantee that you’ll hate it just as much this time as you did last time around. Finally, it uses the same locations and set. Like, exactly the same locations and set. DeCoteau didn’t even try to hide the fact that his two animal-centric films are shot in the same place.

So then Russ introduces us to the humans. We meet Jennifer, a successful mystery writer. The first time we see Jennifer, she is sitting on the sofa narrating a long, long, long passage from her new book, something completely irrelevant to the rest of the film. We can all assume that anyway, but thankfully, Russ explains that “this doesn’t have anything to do with Easter, but I thought you should meet her!” Well, Russ, you adorable little puppy, you thought wrong. Go away. An Easter Bunny Puppy is full of long stretches of useless footage and information that add nothing to the plot, which is already pretty thin. It’s like they tried to extend 20 minutes of actual movie to 90 minutes by throwing in anything they could find. Even then, DeCoteau still reused footage. The same shots of Russ entering and leaving the room are used multiple times. It’s like Tommy Wiseau drew upon his sex scene experience to direct these chunks of the movie.

Then we meet Jennifer’s daughter Lucy, who is trying to impress the new boy, Jake, who moved into the house down the street. The rest of the movie involves her trying to get with Jake; meanwhile, her mom tries to come up with a story for her new assignment, a project titled An Easter Bunny Puppy. I know, I know, the screenwriter deserves a Pulitzer for being so clever as to put the name of the movie into the movie because that’s never been done before, but before you write in to nominate him, let’s consider the rest of the plot and how it actually doesn’t exist. After Russ manages to set up Jake and Lucy, he invites Lucy and her mom to an Easter egg hunt, which is good for Jennifer because she has to learn more about Easter to get ideas for her new book. Then there’s a subplot (can be it a subplot if there’s no plot to sub?) about a priceless egg-shaped jewel that was stolen, which Russ somehow recovers. As pointless as the romance and the novel inspiration are, the egg jewel comes out of left field just so Russ can save the day and be the “real” Easter Bunny Puppy.

I did my best to summarize An Easter Bunny Puppy, but there’s actually nothing to go on. At all. Whatsoever. The movie ends with three lines in rapid succession: “We found the thief!” “And I have a new idea for my book!” “And I have a new boyfriend!” All in the same shot, the three main characters exclaim what just happened just in case the audience missed the plot altogether. I could probably write a novel about how absurd this movie is, but if you’re looking for something Easter-y to do this Sunday, I recommend laughing at this piece of shit. Presumably while celebrating the other holiday as well. 


This article is part of NUFEC's Bad Movies series. Find An Easter Bunny Puppy on Netflix here and on Amazon here.
1 Comment
Dan
6/28/2014 06:35:01 pm

Alison Sieke rules.

Reply



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