Stephen King is the Master of Horror. He’s written more novels than most people read in their entire lives and the majority of them can scare the pants off any savvy reader. And from Carrie to The Shining, his novels have been adapted into some of the most notoriously horrifying films ever made. Not all scares are equal, however. While The Shining uses a menacing atmosphere and gorgeous framing to terrify the viewer, 1992’s Sleepwalkers marks a shocking, horrifying low-point for the Master of Horror. It’s not a mediocre adaptation of his work, but an original screenplay by King himself. It’s a shame to see something so poorly paced and horribly written with King’s name on it; on the other hand, we can spin this as a rare gift of unintentional comedy and maintain our love for the man.
Let’s start from the beginning. We’re introduced to Mary and Charles, a mother and son in one of King’s idyllic 50s towns, but there’s something not quite right about them. They’re strange shape-shifting cat people called sleepwalkers that can turn invisible, change the color of cars, and steal souls Dementor-style. Why? Nobody knows. There’s no explanation for their existence, why they need to shift between cat and human forms, or why their powers have evolved to the point of quick magical car tune-ups. All we get in the way of exposition is a montage of cats throughout history during the opening credits of the film. From the ancient Egyptians to blurry 19th century archival photos, we are reminded that cats do indeed exist and, by extension, have evolved into bizarre vampire creatures? No explanation whatsoever.
Let’s start from the beginning. We’re introduced to Mary and Charles, a mother and son in one of King’s idyllic 50s towns, but there’s something not quite right about them. They’re strange shape-shifting cat people called sleepwalkers that can turn invisible, change the color of cars, and steal souls Dementor-style. Why? Nobody knows. There’s no explanation for their existence, why they need to shift between cat and human forms, or why their powers have evolved to the point of quick magical car tune-ups. All we get in the way of exposition is a montage of cats throughout history during the opening credits of the film. From the ancient Egyptians to blurry 19th century archival photos, we are reminded that cats do indeed exist and, by extension, have evolved into bizarre vampire creatures? No explanation whatsoever.
This makes the rest of the movie all the more difficult to swallow. Mary and Charles are initially spun as the protagonists of the film; it’s established very early on that they need teenage girls’ souls to survive for some reason. They could have done an interesting anti-hero take on their struggle and made you feel sympathy for horrible people a la A Clockwork Orange. However, there’s a point halfway through the movie where all of that changes and the movie is completely derailed. More on that later. But for those of you playing at home, let’s all pull out our Shitty Character Checklists! No explanation for their existence or motivation? Check! Impossible to sympathize with? Check! Trite dialogue that adds nothing but length to the film? Check! Incest? Check! That’s right. The movie starts off with subtle hints that the mother and son get it on, but then there’s a long scene where they dance and make out. Okay, we get it. We’re uncomfortable. Feel free to move on from this scene anytime you’d like, Sleepwalkers. Nope. It doesn’t. It goes even further. Trust me, you haven’t wanted a sex scene to end this much since The Room. Everything adds up to protagonists/antagonists that aren’t sympathetic or very scary, but they’re the main focus of the movie nonetheless so we’ve gotta roll with it.
I’m halfway through this review but only about 20 minutes into the film. It’s that bad. Good thing there’s not much else to talk about plot-wise so I can spend more time on the hilarity that ensues. Another quick random fact about sleepwalkers: cats are their mortal enemies. Again, no reason, but cats hiss at Charles and Mary whenever they’re near, even in their human forms. They have bear traps lining their yard just for the cats that amass around their little suburban cottage. Turns out that cats cause them to burn and melt like water to The Wicked Witch of the West. So when Charles is in the middle of stealing a cute girl’s soul, who should come to the rescue by a policeman’s cat deputy. Yes, you read that right. The movie’s most charismatic and interesting character is an actual cat that Officer Andy Simpson carries around with him while he does cop things like drive and… What else do cops do in small midwestern towns? More questions that Sleepwalkers leaves unanswered.
Clovis the Cat, on the other hand, has better things to do than play with the Officer’s squeaky toys. He’s got to kick some sleepwalker ass. In one of the most clumsily shot monster-attack scenes in horror film history, Charles the tries to eat his classmate’s soul, but just in the nick of time, the cop drives by and Clovis leaps onto Charlie with a RA-ROWL!!, bringing him to his knees and nearly killing him. At this point, the movie becomes a revenge pic starring Charlie’s mother as she tries to kill everyone involved with her son’s mutilation. The rest of the movie features more cheesy dialogue, incompetent cops, and a mob of over one hundred cats rushing in to save the day. A guy gets stabbed to death with an ear of corn. It’s hilarious. I usually don’t pull any punches when it comes to spoilers, but this is one I highly recommend you check out yourself just to see the ridiculous lengths this film goes to.
To summarize: incestuous cat-people eat souls and stalk high school girls while actual cats try to stop them for no clear reason. Is this really what we expect from the man who brought us the tragic story of the telepathic prom queen? Could the author who so beautifully told the story of a man trying to cope with prison life really stoop this low? In order to keep my respect for Stephen King at a normal level, I like to imagine that some producer came in and made him cut out all of the parts that, you know, make sense in order to focus on the things that really matter: cat uprisings and corn murders.
I’m halfway through this review but only about 20 minutes into the film. It’s that bad. Good thing there’s not much else to talk about plot-wise so I can spend more time on the hilarity that ensues. Another quick random fact about sleepwalkers: cats are their mortal enemies. Again, no reason, but cats hiss at Charles and Mary whenever they’re near, even in their human forms. They have bear traps lining their yard just for the cats that amass around their little suburban cottage. Turns out that cats cause them to burn and melt like water to The Wicked Witch of the West. So when Charles is in the middle of stealing a cute girl’s soul, who should come to the rescue by a policeman’s cat deputy. Yes, you read that right. The movie’s most charismatic and interesting character is an actual cat that Officer Andy Simpson carries around with him while he does cop things like drive and… What else do cops do in small midwestern towns? More questions that Sleepwalkers leaves unanswered.
Clovis the Cat, on the other hand, has better things to do than play with the Officer’s squeaky toys. He’s got to kick some sleepwalker ass. In one of the most clumsily shot monster-attack scenes in horror film history, Charles the tries to eat his classmate’s soul, but just in the nick of time, the cop drives by and Clovis leaps onto Charlie with a RA-ROWL!!, bringing him to his knees and nearly killing him. At this point, the movie becomes a revenge pic starring Charlie’s mother as she tries to kill everyone involved with her son’s mutilation. The rest of the movie features more cheesy dialogue, incompetent cops, and a mob of over one hundred cats rushing in to save the day. A guy gets stabbed to death with an ear of corn. It’s hilarious. I usually don’t pull any punches when it comes to spoilers, but this is one I highly recommend you check out yourself just to see the ridiculous lengths this film goes to.
To summarize: incestuous cat-people eat souls and stalk high school girls while actual cats try to stop them for no clear reason. Is this really what we expect from the man who brought us the tragic story of the telepathic prom queen? Could the author who so beautifully told the story of a man trying to cope with prison life really stoop this low? In order to keep my respect for Stephen King at a normal level, I like to imagine that some producer came in and made him cut out all of the parts that, you know, make sense in order to focus on the things that really matter: cat uprisings and corn murders.
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