Ice Age: Collision Course features yet more adventures of the wooly mammoth Manny (Ray Romano), saber-toothed tiger Diego (Denis Leary) and ground sloth Sid (John Leguizamo), along with a whole bunch of other characters picked up in the last four movies. After surviving many trials and tribulations in a bunch of movies I never bothered to watch, it seems like it could finally be curtains for the ancient animals when Scrat the squirrel accidentally activates a dormant alien spaceship which launches him into space and smashes into a giant asteroid which begins hurtling towards Earth. How would a bunch of animals survive that? Well, by loading a bunch of magnetic crystals into a volcano which shoots them into orbit like a cannon where they’ll act as a giant magnet in order to steer the asteroid off course! Obviously.
Seriously, that is the actual plot of the movie. Trust me, I don’t do enough drugs to think of something that outlandish. But in all seriousness, I know this is a movie for kids, but there comes a point at which enough is enough. The aforementioned high-quality animation studios have proven that you can make fun, funny movies for children which don’t make their parents want to smash their heads against the wall while watching it. Plus, kids are smarter than the creators of this movie think- they appreciate quality entertainment when its presented to them.
At this point, you’re probably thinking “But Carter, even if the movie is really dumb, what does it matter as long as it’s funny for the kids?” Well unfortunately, the worst thing about this movie isn’t even the preposterous story, it’s the fact that it’s simply not funny. Like, not even a little bit. The advance screening of the film I saw had a bunch of kids in the audience, and the only jokes they laughed at were the crude butt and snot jokes at the beginning. Every other joke fell completely flat, and even they grew tired of the body humor by the end of it’s (mercifully short) run time.
Ice Age is a franchise that please just needs to die. Although the first movie is a moderately entertaining kid’s comedy, every subsequent sequel has seen a decline in quality. And you don’t have to take my word for it, just look at their Rotten Tomatoes scores- the first has 77%, the second 57%, the third 45%, and the fourth 37%. I am positive Collision Course will be the lowest yet. Blue Sky Studios need to pull its head out of its ass and stop making these cash-grab pieces of shit.