As the tale goes, in a world inhabited by witches, dragons, and witches that turn into dragons, humans formed a clan of knights to defend themselves from evil. This clan was comprised of highly trained warriors who were the seventh son of the seventh son of the seventh … and so on! After a fierce battle arisen by creatures of the dark, Gregory (one of the knights, played by Jeff Bridges) manages to entrap the most powerful witch, Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore). After ages of being trapped in a mountain pit, the witch (who somehow grew more powerful with time) manages to escape and plans to assemble her faithful servants to rule the world. Gregory, who is now the only remaining knight from the order, lives his life serving as a spook (someone who fights, traps and kills monsters) for hire. After losing his first apprentice to Malkin, he acquires (“buys”) a new apprentice, Tom (Ben Barne). In the week-long wait for the blood moon, Gregory not only manages to train Tom but also slays a few monsters on the way. And then when the blood moon appears, Malkin tries to wage the final battle with Gregory and his apprentice; which she ends up losing. With 90% (exaggerated) of the cast dead by this time, Gregory decides that his purpose of life has been fulfilled and it is time to pass on the title of spook to Tom. Happy Ending.
Please pardon my brief, straightforward and monotonous description of the movie, but it precisely recreates my experience at the theatre. Add or remove, a few crazy creatures, some love interests and a special appearance by John Snow (read kit Harington), the previous paragraph pretty much covers everything about the movie. I always end up wondering, why these film adaptations filter out content so excessively that what remains is plain, predictable and boring.
Moving over the movie-bashing, let’s look at few things that the movie gets right. The first is the visual effects. As dull as the story might be, thanks to the millions pumped in by the studios, the movie does turn out to be easy on the eyes, which by the way is the case with every other movie these days. Unless I’m unaware of it, I don’t know why we don’t have a genre for these movies – big budget, lots of CGI, one page predictable script full of clichés. These are the movies that have nothing new to offer, yet don’t make you want to kill yourself once you watch them.
That said, if you haven’t watched fantasy movies in years and have never read a fairytale, you might actually end up liking the movie. For everyone else: hey, it’s a chance to see Jeff Bridges look like a dead beat Gandalf with a dislocated jaw or Julianne Moore as a mesmerizing ageless witch, and yes there are dragons of course!